Crying in Coffee Shops: What No Leadership Book Will Tell You

I just hit the half way point in a book I’ve been reading for six months, because every three or four pages I start crying.

At home, in a coffee shop, on the train—doesn’t matter. The tears just bubble up.

And I welcome every single one of them.

The Grief Triple-Whammy

CliffsNotes Version: lost both parents to cancer and a dear friend to suicide inside 5 months; spent 18 months numbing myself in every way I could because it was too much; meanwhile I continued to work and lead teams, mostly as a diversion and a means to stay numb.

I stayed busy, I had two pours of bourbon instead of one, I binged all the shows, and I slept as much as I could, all to avoid feeling any of it.

I remember distinctly the first time I opened the book and started reading—at first my eyes welled up making the words on the page all fuzzy, so I wiped them and keep reading. Then the tears came without any prompting, catching me by surprise. It felt like a message.

Like my body was saying "this is what we need now".

So I love when those tears come

Every single one is made from memories, grief, love and joy, and none of them were possible while I was numbing myself.

But I'm not here to make it all about me.

Every single one of us carries pain, every single one of us will experience grief, and I'll never, ever criticise or judge someone for numbing in the face of that. It’s entirely human.

Thing is, sooner or later, that emotional debt comes due.

If you’ve boxed up pain that feels too much or keep pushing down pain that takes you by surprise, then I’m talking directly to you: Numbing has kept you and your body safe in the short term, but it’s no way to live.

The Work of Emerging

You can’t experience the fullness of life while you’re severed from feeling anything.

You can’t find meaningful success while you’re just executing the mechanics of work and leadership.

And you can’t be whole while you’re burying whole pieces of yourself.

The work of emerging from that bubble into feeling something again is painful and difficult, and while I don’t know if that work is ever fully “done”, I do know that it’s as necessary as numbing was in the first place.

My three-page-tears have been a return to clumsy, warts-and-all feeling, and represent everything I love.

So if any of this lands or resonates with you, take it as permission for you to go cry in a coffee shop and start the work of healing.

Let me know how it goes and if I can help.

My Articles. Your Inbox.

Every article I write has one purpose - to give successful but lost leaders tangible insights that actually help.

No bs, No psychobabble. No gimmicks.

Get every article in your inbox before they appear anywhere else.