How to Make Friends With Demons

To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.
– Sun Tzu

My demons have got the better of me a few times.

With two trips through depression and an unexpected stay in Breakdownville, I’ve dwelled in my dark corners and I’ve wrapped that darkness around me like a blanket.

It ain’t pretty. Think Gulag rather than Gansevoort.

We’ve all got demons, those things that are always lurking in the darkness, waiting for you to loose yourself, ready to devour you. So you tool yourself up like a real-life Buffy or Constantine; kicking some serious demon butt and fashioning a fetching necklace from their teeth.

But who in the hell wants to spend their lives battling demons; always fighting?

Not me peppy. Not me.

Vacationing in that Russian Gulag and being fed my own toes sounds like it would be more fun than spending my whole life struggling against and fighting with my demons.

So what if the popular belief that you need to fight your inner demons is just a misguided, short term strategy?

What if fighting your demons is just a bunch of hooey?

After all, they never really go away, do they?

They’re always there, waiting to tell you what you fear the most. That you’re not special. That you’re not good enough. That you’re not worthy. That you can’t sustain it. That you don’t belong.

Your demons don’t die.

They’ll keep coming back, like a a zombie horde or Charlie Sheen

So rather than tying a bandana round your head, slipping a machete through your belt and refilling both barrels, what if you met them somewhere neutral, opened a cheeky Bordeaux and got to know each other a little better?

Wouldn’t making friends with your demons be a better solution than looking like a Stallone wannabe at an open audition for the next Expendables movie?

The process of making friends with your demons is how you get to own every part of you, and it’s this process and the acceptance it brings that affords you the ability to move with the grace and power of someone who knows themselves fully.

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
– Buddha

Just 3 things to bear in mind when making friends with your demons.

  1. They want you to be small, so that you can be safe.
  2. They will lie to you to trick you into shrinking your life.
  3. They’re more scared of you than you are of them.

In light of those 3 things, here’s what you need to do in order to make friends with them:

  1. Tell them that you don’t want a small life that means nothing. Get their agreement that pursuing meaning counts for more than being safe.
  2. Hear them, acknowledge what they say and call them on their BS.
  3. Let them know that you’re there for them, that you’re in this together and that whatever happens, you’ve got their back.

Got any demons you could make friends with?

  • Hi, there is one thing you can teach your demons: humor. When you teach them to laugh with you, you will be surprised how friendly they can become. I found out myself 🙂

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